Slotnick Showing Off Obama Letter; Officials Praise Invention Known As "God's Tampon"
When Cheraw resident Barbara Davis Slotnick first sent her idea for plugging up the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico to President Obama, a lot of people in the tiny S.C. town laughed. Slotnick’s plan to absorb the flow from the sub-oceanic geyser with “giant bales of cotton” seemed like exactly the kind of crackpot solution that might be dreamt up by a well-intentioned but ultimately kooky retiree with a great deal of spare time on her hands — and lots and lots of “Forever Stamps” just waiting to be afixed to letters to the White House.
Before long, the whole town was having a pretty good laugh — at Slotnick’s expense.
“We call it Slotnick’s Folly,” says Scoot Williams, who manages the local Arby’s. “Or we just been calling it the quicker-picker-upper. You know, like Bounty?”
“Yeah, we call it the quicker-picker-upper,” Williams’ girlfriend Cherie Mewshaw agrees after a long slurp on her large Jamocha shake.
What people like Williams and Mewshaw didn’t realize when the story first broke was that Slotnick’s “crackpot solution” actually came to her in a vision from The Creator Himself.
“Oh it did?” said Mewsha when ‘The Bug’ informed her of Slotnick’s divine vision. After another long, probing slurp with her straw, the 22-year-old mother of nine and devout Southern Baptist reconsidered.
“Well that changes everything,” Mewshaw said as she stuffed a curly fry in her lipstick-sweared maw and began to chew. “What happened? Did he come down like on a cloud or something? Or was it more like a daydream she just kinda had in church? ‘Cause I’ve had those myself.”
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