According to a recent survey conducted by New York-based researchers and statisticians at Businessweek.com and reported in today’s Daily Circular, South Carolina is one of the least lazy states in the entire South.
The Palmetto State came in eighth place on a list of ten lazy Southern states that for some reason also included Delaware. Florida, Virginia, Texas and Georgia were for various reasons not considered Southern for the study, which was mistakenly identified as a national study by Businessweek.com.
Alabama, which was included in the study, came in at number nine, indicating that the average Yellowhammer is slightly more active than the average Sandlapper, perhaps because the average Sandlapper suffers from chronic mineral deficiencies.
The study surveyed people over the age of 15 and took into account such factors as time spent watching television, surfing the internet, sleeping, socializing and swatting mosquitos during malaria season. Louisiana, Mississippi and Arkansas were identified as the three laziest states in the South.
“South Carolina should be very proud,” said USC Southern Studies professor Archibald Slocumb III, who credits South Carolina’s success to the “visionaries” who have built so many golf courses here over the past thirty years.
“A quarter century ago we would have been top three, no question,” Slocumb told The Bug during an interview on USC’s Horseshoe as he cooled himself with a collapsible antebellum fan on loan from the Confederate Relic Room. “But golf has made us just active enough to rank eighth without knocking us out of the picture altogether. We did fine, I’d say, just fine.”
Asked why some states were considered Southern and others weren’t, Slocumb also raised a number of good points.
“Florida is all about Disneyworld and displaced New Yorkers, Virginia’s too close to D.C. and Texas, well, it’s like the TV ad used to say: that’s a whole other country.”
And what about Georgia?
“Georgia’s all about Atlanta these days,” said Slocumb, as he sipped from an ice cold Coca-Cola and gently sucked the brine out of a boiled peanut. “They’ve still got the Margaret Mitchell home and some other things, but otherwise they’ve lost touch.”
For the record, South Carolina did rank first in terms of hours spent watching television (3 hours, 7 minutes/day), though Slocumb has an explanation for that, too.
“The TV thing is easy,” he said as he tried unsuccesfully to stand up. “Between the commetary on The Daily Show and that other fella with the crooked ear from down in Charleston, we’re always on it. It’s only natural we’d want to see how we come across.”